circus inside


I twisted the lid off of my heart and a circus came fumbling and jumping out. Painted faces, confetti, water flowers and burning hoola hoops. I never knew someone could be mocked to death.

Am I just another punch line? Sometimes it feels like the whole world is laughing at me.

When I was seventeen I pulled a prank on my friend. We were sitting in a café and when he wasn’t looking I took his bottle of tomato juice, poured it out, and filled it with Tabasco sauce. He apparently had caught a glimpse of me doing this and while I was in the bathroom he smothered the inside of my grilled cheese sandwich with that same bottle of Tabasco sauce.

Guess who became the jester after all?

Of course I want to be taken seriously. But I’d prefer to have someone who wants to seriously take me.

Life sometimes feels like a big joke, and remembering the punch line is almost impossible. It takes almost a lifetime to figure it out. You don’t mind if I spend a few decades trying to solve it, do you?

In the meantime, I’ve decided not to wash your makeup off my collar, because I don’t want to forget you. You’re the only one willing to take a flying pie in the face for me, the only one who doesn’t laugh at the circus inside of my heart.


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